The Weight of Sorrow
by M. Alicia Garcia
Summary: Sakura tries to be Naruto's comfort in the face of loss. Follows in continuity of "The Grace of the Moments". Saku/Naru


_**Author's Note:**_ Please excuse my mindless writing. I wrote this as a diversion from my novel-in-progress (which just sucks btw). It is mostly a character/slice-of-life piece with no real plot, and in the same continuity as _The Grace of the Moments_. It's probably best to read that piece first to avert any confusion.

**The Weight of Sorrow**

She lay half asleep on the edge of his bed, her body still aching from the weight of the day. Lessons and training sessions followed by hoards of paperwork were now made heavier with the absence of Jiraya. Sakura would never tell how she saw Tsunade cry. Desperate and lonely; Tsunade's tears had shimmered like silver droplets in the sun's eye. Her sobs controlled but relentless. And then the quiet tears once she'd regained composure. Their leader had never looked so frail and weak.

The bed was hard and lumpy, but Sakura had barely noticed. It was an old mattress, a hand-me-down Naruto had received ages ago, its true age would remain a mystery. She had only meant to close her eyes for a moment while Naruto showered and dressed, but her mind was already easing into the warmth of sleep. She fought against the urge but only realized that she'd given in when Naruto had nudged her awake.

"Are you sure you don't just wanna go home and rest instead?" He inquired, his face just inches away and a white towel draped around his neck.

Water dripped from his clumped wet hair and dribbled down his cheeks.

"You're still wet," she mumbled as she sat up and pulled him down to his knees. "Let me, 'kay?" She pulled the towel over his head and slowly kneaded. He closed his eyes and let himself relax.

"I know you're tired," he told her. "You don't need to do this," but as he spoke tension had reclaimed him and his hands balled into fists.

"It's okay. I want to."

"I don't--" Naruto choked out, now visibly shaking. His words were lost as tearful sobs poured out of him.

"It's okay," she said as she slid down off the bed and to the floor, easing her arms around him. She rocked him, softly shushing until his sobs subsided. His head lay nestled against the warmth of her breasts and his tears were dried away by the soft fabric of her sweater. Sakura leaned back against the foot of the bed for support. It wasn't long before they fell asleep.

--

This wasn't the first time she'd wakened in his bed. Sakura's eyelids fluttered, still heavy with sleep. Her instincts told her it wasn't yet morning but she was hot and keenly aware of the set of arms wrapped steadfast around her hips. His head was wedged against her stomach, beneath the swell of her breasts. She pulled off her sweater and undid her bra without pulling away from his embrace and tossed them to the floor, but the rustling sound of fabric must have awakened him because his breathing pattern changed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

He didn't answer and she wondered if she'd guessed wrong.

"Naruto?"

"I don't know," he replied and fell into silence.

Sakura ran her fingers through his matted hair, mindlessly combing the strands into place. Naruto closed his eyes and pulled her hips firmly against him.

"I heard Shikamaru's been coming by everyday," Sakura persisted once again, giving Naruto another opportunity to speak up.

"Yeah," he replied and buried his face in her shirt, dimly aware of the taut muscles and soft flesh just beneath her thin tee.

"He says you've been turning him away."

Naruto nodded, his face rubbing against her stomach. "He's a pest." He mumbled into her shirt, the hum of his voice tickling her skin. Sakura pulled away and sat up, but Naruto refused to look up and curled into a ball, burying his face in the bed sheets.

"Naruto, will you look at me?" Sakura implored tenderly.

"It's too bright," he insisted.

She glanced up at the clock. "It's three in the morning."

When Naruto did not respond, Sakura pushed him onto his back. Naruto brought his forearm over his eyes, but did not resist when Sakura pried it away.

"We should get married," he suggested offhandedly, avoiding her eyes and the issue at hand.

"Don't talk like that. You know we're too young."

"I'll be eighteen next month."

"And that means what? That we'd be legal morons. We're too young. You know that."

Naruto reach a hand up and trailed his fingers along the curves of her cheeks. He liked touching her, exploring the curves and texture of her body as far as she would let him go. Although she trained as hard as him her skin retained much of its softness. He didn't just like it; he savored touching her, trailing his lips on the smoothness of her skin. It was not so much kissing as it was touching. She'd protested at first, afraid it would lead to something less than chaste, but he was convincing and she enjoyed it too much.

"Do you want to talk about what's really bothering you now?" Sakura asked, brushing aside the strands of hair that tickled his forehead, and he knew that any kind of touching would have to wait. He still didn't feel like talking much, but he had to start sometime.

"Do you remember what you told me at Kakashi-sensei's grave?"

Naruto didn't expect her to reply and she sensed as much. "You said that war and death come hand in hand but from it we can find hope. I hated it--but then the war ended and we all worked so hard together to rebuild. We became stronger in our hearts because we were also doing it for them."

He stroked a lock of her hair and twirled it around his finger.

"Even though we lost so many, we were still able to go on." He was crying again. It has been three days but tears would not stop. "Our lives just went on without them, Sakura. Kakashi, Chouji, Lee, Ne-"

"Stop it, Naruto." She demanded, pressing her fingers against his lips and forcing him into silence. Naruto squeezed his eyes shut, spilling another stream of tears. A droplet of moisture wet his forehead and he opened his eyes to the sight of Sakura crying over him.

"Sakura?"

"I miss them too, Naruto. I'm not so cold-hearted," she said wiping away her tears.

"I never said-"

"We had so little time to cry back then. We couldn't stop to mourn with war all around us. And then when it wasn't, there were so many things to keep us busy that it was easier not to cry." Her tears were gone as quickly as they had arrived. She leaned down and pressed her forehead against his. "Talk to me. It's okay," she whispered.

Naruto reached his arms around her and pressed her down against him.

"I'm afraid," he told her. "I'm afraid that I won't be able to find the hope in his death."

Sakura pressed her lips against his forehead and traced them down the pathway of his tears. The taste still lingered on her lips even after Naruto had sought after them with his own.

--

"Open up, you jackass!" Shikamaru banged on the door and jiggled the doorknob. "The jig is up. I know you're hiding in there. Your loudmouthed girlfriend sold you out."

He was beginning to lose patience, although he briefly wondered if he'd had any to begin with. Shikamaru peered through the key hole, but the inside of the apartment was too dark to discern any movements. He turned to walk away and signed as he resigned himself to give it another try. He beat the door once more before Naruto swung it open. He stood dopey eyed and his bangs cow-licked straight up. It was a quarter past noon but there were still dark circles under his eyes. A gust of wind came and passed and his hair seemed to wave in greeting.

"And hello to you too," Shikamaru said as he made his way past Naruto inside the apartment, not bothering to wait for an invitation.

--

"So, then, is he finally talking?" Ino asked as she enjoyed her hot udon.

"Yeah. Shikamaru should be with him about now," Sakura replied glancing at her watch. "Apparently, he has some whole motivational thing planned out for him. If it goes well I'm thinking about taking him to visit Kakashi-sensei's grave."

Ino looked up at her, her brows twisted and perplexed.

"Sensei's birthday is on the fifteenth and I figure it's a good excuse to get him out there and maybe even visit Jiraya's grave," Sakura explained.

She paused as she watched Ino take another enthusiastic slurp of her thick noodle soup. The steam rose up onto Ino's reddening cheeks.

"What are you _doing_?" Sakura asked incredulously.

Ino looked up mid-bite, a large noodle dangling from her lips.

"It's September," Sakura told her.

"So?" Ino slurped up her noodle and dabbed a napkin over the perspiration beading on her forehead.

"It's like, over ninety degrees."

Sakura shook her head dismissively and went on. "I thought that maybe we can get everyone together and pay our respects to our old friends."

"Yeah," Ino replied. "I like that idea. I could set up some flower arrangements. I'm sure my father wouldn't mind. Shikamaru can put out the word. But there's still one detail that needs to be addressed."

Sakura waited expectantly, excited by Ino's enthusiasm for her plan.

"You still haven't answered my question," Ino said, a puckish grin forming at corners of her lips.

"Oh, God." Sakura tore a piece of her bread roll and flung it at Ino's head. "We are _not_ talking about this. I already got the third degree from my parents."

"You're no fun," she sighed and finished her bowl.

--

_His kisses were warm and wet. He suckled down the curve of her chin and nuzzled her neck. Sakura whimpered softly and took his lips again. His kisses we more forceful this time and she kissed him back just as hard. Breathless, he gripped her hips and rolled her onto her back._

"_Naruto. We need to stop," Sakura mumbled between kisses._

"_Uh-huh," he responded absentmindedly and trailed his lips down her bare shoulders. He pulled down her shirt strap and tugged at her top, kissing down shoulder and collar bone and the soft swell of her breasts, excited by the anticipation of her braless breasts and pert nipples, but before he could bare anymore of her skin, Sakura shot up, her head smacking against his forehead and her face flushed._

"_Naruto, lets stop," she said timidly and hot with embarrassment as she pressed her cheeks against his chest._

_Naruto eased her strap back on her shoulder and held her as he pressed their bodies back down on the bed. He buried his face in her hair and didn't bother to ask why. She wasn't ready yet, and this wasn't the time for it._

"_Will your parents be upset?" He asked, rubbing his thumb along her forearm._

"_I don't know. Maybe not." She sighed. "Probably. They're still angry about the last time when we fell asleep."_

_Naruto closed his eyes. "Maybe Ino can cover for you," he yawned._

"_It's probably too late for that. I'm sure they already called her." Sakura mentally resigned herself to the punishment she was certain her parents would issue. "But that doesn't matter. Just promise me you'll talk with Shikamaru tomorrow, 'kay?"_

"_Yeah. I'll try."_

_Sakura closed her eyes, embracing sleep. Tomorrow would be another long day with back to back meetings, training sessions, lessons, and trying her best to keep Tsunade too busy to think. Unlike the rest of them, her position as Hokage didn't privilege her to openly mourn the dead. Leaders could never be so free. Sakura drifted further, the dread of her parents and work already forgotten._

"_Sakura," Naruto whispered softly in her ear. She responded with a grunt, barely conscious, although she may as well have been dreaming._

_Naruto pulled a bed sheet over them and pulled himself closer to her._

"_Maybe," he said as he gave way to sleep, "my hope lives in you."  
_


End file.
